Marketing is an art.
Nobody really knows where it evolved from.
But I shadowed 3 billionaires for 236 years, and took detailed notes of the mindsets they embraced when it came to the 4 P’s of Marketing (or however many P’s we’re up to now).
Of course, you need to have gotten your morning routine down to a science if you really want to achieve greatness, but here is what to focus on once you’ve mastered that.
Don’t publish content anywhere in case your competition finds something out about you. Better to lose sales now than give your adversary ammo to use against you later! Sure, you may have to close shop because of opportunities lost, but at least you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that your rival probably isn’t certain of who is supplying you, what your secret ingredient is, or exactly what your prices are. Heck, don’t even publish your opening hours. Take that to the grave! Intellectual property needs to be kept under lock and key in case you never come up with further innovations. Dying a starving genius is the real measure of success.
Make sure you’re dressed like everybody else. Standing out is a huge risk. Fit in by copying industry norms. Make sure your branding is predictable, your copywriting is professional, and your strategy is identical to whoever is dominating in your market. Because if you can’t be neck and neck with their actions… or a step ahead… at least being ten steps behind will guarantee you get their leftovers, right? As Steve Jobs famously said - “Here's to the well-behaved companies — the plain Janes, the copycats, the blender-inners, the meh ideas in the boardroom. The ones who see things samely — they’re totes my fave!”
Choose your tactics based on whatever is trending. For example, whatever social media platform is the most popular right now, go there. If a new one comes out as you’re reading this, stop what you’re doing and set up a profile there as well. Even though you’re confused about whether social media is working for you, scrap the budget allocated to calls/sales reps/email marketing. Reallocate that to hiring a dedicated social media manager to create picture-perfect posts in your Canva account. Participate in every single International Skunks Breath Day, #PopularSocialMovementYouCareAboutOneDayOfTheYear, and viral challenge — especially the ones where you lick toilet seats. All publicity is equal! Seriously, history will judge you on how quickly you were able to sabotage your profitable plans in order to post something that appeased the popular culture monster. Customers be damned.
If something feels scary, quit while you’re ahead. Generally, it’s better to nip things in the bud, before you’ve really tested them. Try to judge how well a campaign is doing based on vanity metrics, like open rates, views or thumbs-up emojis. Dollars made is irrelevant as who reeeeeally knows what caused them? You just need to act quickly. If that means shredding plans while they’re still being built, find the one piece of surface data that will support your decision and move on before your team has a chance to ask uncomfortable questions.
Your brand IS for everyone. Yes, you get the whole “niche” thing. You see how it applies to other businesses. But you guys are in a unique situation. You might repel someone from choosing your brand, whereas how you’re doing things now, you’re totally winning and in fact, ALL the competition has gone under. Plus, you’d be doing a disservice to the world if you niched down. You’d offend entire groups of people and their problems if you didn’t speak to them all and stay non-specific when talking about your product. Adult diapers, baby diapers… enough with ageism!! Labels hurt. Keep it generic so everybody stays happy and everybody feels understood from your one-sized-fits-all approach.
I’d like to take credit for this advice, but the truth is you’ve probably heard it a thousand times at seminars that pumped you up for an entire 48 hours before you went back to your comfort zone. Why change now?
Stay safe out there,
Bernadette
Editors note: may contain satire and downright mockery. Please feel free to share this with someone that has an epic product but needs help with their emails and content in case a customer scratches their own eyes out.
If you got forwarded this… it’s OK if your content and copywriting are a little lifeless. Don’t feel bad. But also let’s try to prevent any eye-gouging by amping up your efforts, together? More sales, fewer injuries; thaaaaat would look good in your gratitude journal.